


Dreaming with a Broken Heart

by JAlexMac



Series: Music Inspiration [2]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Emotional Hurt, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Post-Episode: 02e25 Resolutions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:13:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29369808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JAlexMac/pseuds/JAlexMac
Summary: Chakotay’s Heart Bleeds.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Series: Music Inspiration [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2165427
Comments: 22
Kudos: 32





	Dreaming with a Broken Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Once again today I heard a song I hadn’t listened to in ages, and it gave me the feels. 
> 
> Thank you all for indulging me.
> 
> I own nothing. Unbeta’d.

**_“When you're dreaming with a broken heart_ **

**_The waking up is the hardest part_ **

**_You roll out of bed and down on your knees_ **

**_And for a moment, you can hardly breathe…”_ **

Twenty-four hours. A mere 1,440 minutes. It feels like we’ve been back for centuries. I’m here, I’m healthy, but a large part of me wishes I was dead. Correction, an enormous piece of me has died. My soul is numb, except for the part in which she’s taken permanent residence. Each time I close my eyes, I can see her; her beauty shining brighter than the sun, her eyes more blue than the sky, and for a brief moment she only has eyes for me. Then suddenly an alarm sounds or a combadge chirps and reality creeps in like a cold cruel mistress.

**_“Wondering, "Was she really here?_ **

**_Is she standing in my room?"_ **

**_No, she's not_ **

**_'Cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone…”_ **

I want to go back to the dream. The dream that for an all too brief moment was real. As clearly as the gray walls surrounding me, I can see our home and our lives. She had just relaxed and had begun to feel my love for her. I know I should be happy that she’s getting what The Captain wants, but only  _ I  _ got to see what Kathryn wants. The look in her eyes just before our molecules left the surface for the final time, told me everything. 

Now as my eyes burst open, praying for relief, I try and commit to memory everything my unconscious mind has created. The tomatoes in the garden causing the vines to droop, the large living space added to the shelter by way of logs from the dense woods, Kathryn savoring the heat of her bath water— her belly ripe with our child sticking up just above the surface. The chimera is captivating, but the yearning is torture.

**_“When you're dreaming with a broken heart_ **

**_The giving up is the hardest part_ **

**_She takes you in, with her crying eyes_ **

**_Then, all at once, you have to say goodbye…”_ **

I’m still in disbelief that I told her my story down there. To see the tears of love in her eyes when she saw right through me made it all worthwhile. I could see and feel the change in her instantaneously. When she held out her hand to me, there was nothing that could have changed that moment. And now here we are, back in a hell of our own making. 

There isn’t enough prayer, rogation, vision quest, invocation, or anything in that realm that could equate to my hope that she isn’t feeling the same way. Although the selfish part of me wants her to love and long for me, I would never want her to endure such agony. I have to be the one to carry  _ this  _ burden for both of us. 

**_“Wondering, "Could you stay my love?_ **

**_Will you wake up by my side?"_ **

**_No, she can't_ **

**_'Cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone…”_ **

I get out of my bed and walk to the far wall. The simple yet seemingly impenetrable barrier is all that separates us. Oh, but there is so much more that disentangles us. Laying my head against the cool alloy, I can almost feel her on the other side. I press my ear in close, in hopes of catching any minuscule sound of her I can. And that’s when I hear it; the soft sounds of reciprocated solicitude. 

It takes every ounce of strength in my body not to phaser this wall, to punch it, to tear it down with my bare hands. I may never again know the feel of her, but I will forever hold her… in my mind, my heart, and my soul. She is and always will be the force that drives me. It’s a tragic day when there are more light years between two hearts than between the ship and home. But, I’ll wait beyond forever, and although she fights it, she also knows it. If this journey takes a thousand years, each one will possess my unwillingness to stop loving and protecting her. 

**Author's Note:**

> Song - Dreaming with a Broken Heart by John Mayer


End file.
